Tag Archives: Self-esteem

Dealing with the negative voices in our heads

We have all experienced negative voices in our heads. The kind of voices that abruptly appear in our minds, take over our thoughts and have the power to change our whole life experience in a second. These voices are the vilest critics, they will criticize, condemn, and judge us to the point that if we do not learn to silence them, we might end up believing them and this will become an obstacle to developing the greatness within us and will stop us from becoming the kind of person we are capable of becoming. Stay with me so we can see together how to understand and deal with our negative voices.

Believing in negative thoughts is the single greatest obstruction to success. Charles F. Glassman negative voices

Once the negative voices start talking the chaos begins, like an earthquake, they can have different intensities, from a simple tremor with minor consequences to a devastating tremor that can have a serious impact on our life. At any given moment and for no apparent reason they might simply show up, the voices are so deep and strong that somehow, they always find the way to disturb our peace. It brings sorrow, sadness, anger, and frustration. Those negative feelings product of those negative voices can last for seconds, minutes, hours, days and even years. 

The duration of the effect caused in us by these negative voices and thoughts depend on one thing and one thing only: Us. We cannot stop them from arising, but we can find a way to deal with them. The most important thing to understand is that every human on this planet goes through the same struggle of dealing with these negative voices. It is not an issue of the weakest but even the strongest ones suffer the same, the key is to become as wise as possible as to know the difference between their reality which is always obscure, negative and judgmental and the real truth which is the one you should discover, the truth that dwells within you, the truth of who you really are, and that is not something these voices know, but is something you must come to realize.

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” – Mahatma Gandhi

These kind of voices are the ones telling us that we are worthless, that we are not capable of anything, that no one likes us, that people think we are stupid or that we are this and that, they try to convince us that we do everything wrong and that we are guilty of everything that is wrong in our lives. “No one loves you!” “No one likes you!” “You are a failure!” “You are useless!” “You are ugly!” “The world would be better without you!” “See how stupid you look now!” “I told you, this happened because you are pathetic” “You did a mistake like you always do!” “You are not smart enough and never will!” I could continue with all the different negative voices that have crossed my mind at least once. Do they look familiar to you? These or other kinds of negative voices have always crossed the mind of every single one of us in one way or another. 

The truth is that they are always telling us something beyond the words, there is a reason why they happen, and the key is to find the roots, where they originate, and then we will understand why, and once we know the why, we are going to be able to decrease the number of times they happen and when they do we will be ready to know how to use them in our favor. Normally they tend to be the product of our own fears, insecurities, frustrations, low self-esteem, past experiences and a wrong idea of life and who we really are due to the false concepts established in our society.

“All negativity is an illusion created by the limited mind to protect and defend itself.” – Ambika Wauters

How do I deal with them? As soon as they start talking, I try, quickly as possible to stop them, I do that not by avoiding them and pretending that they are not there, but I acknowledge them, I admit they are there, I listen to them, I allow myself to feel whatever I feel at that precise moment and then I decide. Do I let them take control, losing the ability to choose what to feel or do I show them who has the control here? I take the control back. I see them as something they exist but I know they do not define me. Normally I either think quietly and tell them to stop, sometimes I even scream, STOP! I analyze the situation and understand why they are telling me what they are telling me and then I make my own conclusions. 

There are always two possibilities, either they are right or have some kind of truth or they are completely wrong. If they are wrong, and you can clearly see that, then you have already all the power to silence those voices and keep moving forward without letting them interfere with your life, and you do this but expressing them silently or out loud the reasons why they are wrong, telling your own truth about what you believe, by confronting them with your truth, you take the power away from them and their voices will slowly fade away. On the other hand, if they are right or let’s say, there is some sort of truth on what they say, then it is important to find the positive side of everything. It is important, to be honest with your self and it is important to find the real truth. 

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” – Willie Nelson

For example, if I made a mistake and these voices are telling me everything I did wrong and how terrible should I feel because of them, then I try to stop those voices. I silence the mind, I see what I have done, I understand that they are right about the fact that I did something I shouldn’t have done but I don’t keep listening to them, but rather I find the solution by focusing on how to make things right instead of focusing on what went wrong. Of course, It is not always possible to revert what you have done, but there is always a positive side of everything and by focusing on that, by learning, by doing things better, you give yourself the possibility to decide who you are and who do you want to become rather than staying stuck in who you are not by listening to those voices that condemn, judge and criticize you.

The key is to not let them define who you are. Yes, we make mistakes, we have imperfections, we might have a lot to learn, we can have low self-esteem, we can have thousand of fears and doubts, and those voices will use all of that against us, but in the end, it is you who you really define yourself. If you do not like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you look at it. Be the person that makes you happy, discover your own truth about yourself, so when these voices arise, you will have the right tools to fight back!

We Are All Genius

We live in the kind of world where the members of their society are labelled as if they were merely products that will end up on a store shelf to be selected or discarded according to someone’s needs. The society in where we live condemns you or glorifies you according to the label you possess. Since school, we are categorized with a grade, and that symbol becomes our burden. We believe that our intelligence depends on the amount of excellent grades we get, and that belief tends to create our reality, but the truth is everybody is a genius, with our own personal characteristics and skills, and that is what it makes us unique.

 

 

 

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

 

 

 

We are all the same, we are all one, we are all humans, we are all mortals, however, we are also different as we all have different personalities, characteristics, skills, qualities, beliefs and opinions, and that creates unique beings, as human’s fingers, where they might all look the same, but in the end they all have their own distinctive and unique pattern what creates different fingerprints. For that reason, we all possess a particular talent and skills that create a different kind of geniuses. Therefore, a genius cannot be described in one way, but in several ways.

All my life I struggled to find my own talent; at school I wasn’t the student with the best grades, I didn’t even know who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do when I grow up, usually I tended to lose faith in myself and let my future be at mercy of my luck. The problem is that this society has made us believe that if you are not the best, the first one, the most intelligent and get all the best grades you will fail miserably, and that belief has put a high level of pressure in our daily lives, because in order to avoid failure, we push ourselves in a very dangerous way, most of the time refusing to be what we were meant to be and becoming the type of person imposed by society in order to be successful.

 

 

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

 

 

The truth is that saying that a genius is that one who has only certain specific characteristics and abilities, only limits the true greatness in every human being, because by saying that, we limit the person who has not those characteristics and abilities, giving them the idea that they are simply mediocre beings, and they live their lives limiting their true potential. For example, I always believed that because I was not good at school, especially in mathematics, I was good for nothing. I always wished to be like the “genius” ones. I lost faith in myself and I settle for a life that was far less the one I deserved.

One day I started to believe in myself, and I discovered all those talents and skills that were hidden overshadowed by my fears, beliefs, and limiting thoughts about myself. When I ceased to let the opinions and belief of others to define me, I began to discover my true potential, and when you are no longer limited by the established standards by this society , you begin to redefine yourself, and you create a new version of yourself. In my case, I discovered those things that made me a genius. Now I do not let my lack of knowledge in something, or my poor mathematics or history skills or whatever it is to define me, I do not let a grade or a person qualify me or categorize me according to my capabilities.

 

 

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

 

When you cease to seek the approval of others, when you release yourself from the stressful act of fitting in, when you cease to be the person you are supposed to become, and you stop worrying about being “perfect” or letting the opinions and beliefs of others to define you, you will have the opportunity to discover your true talents, abilities and skills. Therefore, do not aim to become the standard of human perfection, but aim for what you are good at, if you don’t know what that is, go find it, work hard, improve, evolve and become the best version of yourself!

 

 

 

 

 

Do not beat yourself up if you can’t do everything perfectly, remember that every human has its own talents and skills, and in the end, everyone is a genius. Fish maybe cannot climb a tree but they have the ability to live underwater. Therefore, do not compare yourself with other people “genius” but rather follow your own heart, be whoever you want to be, discover your greatness and be the genius that you truly are!

 

The Rebellious Act of Liking Yourself

We live in a world so obsessed with external appearances that the package has become more important than the content. Nowadays looking good on the outside has become our main priority, our obsession, and the only reason is to be accepted in this society that condemns you or glorifies you for your appearance. Therefore, liking yourself in a society that plays with your self-esteem and expect you to feel ugly is a rebellious act that gives you freedom!

 

 In a society that profits from your self doubt liking yourself is a rebellious act. Caroline Caldwell

 

 

This society wants us to believe that in order to be successful we need to look beautiful on the outside. Since we are born we are exposed to different sources which its only purpose is to make us feel ugly. They created the concept that ugly equals unhappiness, and beauty equals happiness and success. It seems that you can only love yourself if you are beautiful on the outside, and that, of course, never happens, and why? because if you finally love yourself, the business would be over, and where there is no business, there is no money.

Our minds have been infected with this virus from the day one. When we are born they cut us our hair, they make a hole in our ears so we can look pretty with cute little earrings, they dress us like dolls, and they make us to act as princesses and princes. As we grew, they gave us skinny, blonde, and blue-eyed Barbie’s to play with, and as we continue to grow that infernal virus sickened our mind with make-up, plastic surgery, reality shows with all good-looking people, movies with beautiful actors, music played by pretty boys and girls, and TV commercials that constantly wash our brains, day in and day out.

 

 

 

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

 

The problem is that we have accepted the concept that we need to look pretty in order to feel happy. We believe that eventually we are going to love ourselves once we look beautiful on the outside, so we buy all the crap that we can find in order to feel happy and like ourselves, but this never ends, we never feel completely happy with ourselves and we want more, we want to look as the girls in the magazines, and the problem is that they do not even look like that in the reality. We chase a fake stereotype of beauty that doesn’t exist.

The problem is that they make us believe that it exists, so we never stop buying the crap they sell, submitting ourselves to this maniac marketing that owns us. There is always something new, a new type of plastic surgery, a new revolutionary product that will make you look 20 years younger, and wonderful tanning product that will make you look tanned the 365 days of a year, a new make-up that transforms your face into a fake and unnatural doll. There always will be something that you will need in order to look beautiful and feel happy. This never stops, never.

 

 

 

“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise L. Hay

 

 

 

Therefore, if you want to be beautiful, start by liking yourself just the way you are, love the real you without any artificial product or special clothes or anything, simply love what society calls “imperfections” because they are not, they are perfect, you are perfect just the way you are. Beauty is a concept that society created in order to set a standard, and profit from it, but everyone is beautiful, we are unique, original, one of a kind, we do not need to be someone else to be beautiful, being ourselves and liking ourselves is what makes us beautiful.

What I mean is that is completely okay to buy and wear all the products you want, as long as your happiness doesn’t depend from it. Change your hair color, wear make-up, make a diet, go to the gym, buy new clothes, use your favorite cream, but do it because you like it, not to impress others, not to be accepted, not to belong, not to feel happy or be successful because you will never be completely happy if you depend on all that to feel good with yourself. Wake up in the morning, go to the mirror, and look yourself without make-up, with your disheveled hair, with your Minnie mouse pajamas, look at your face with your wrinkles, pimples, look at your body with all your “imperfections” and smile at you, because you are beautiful. Love yourself in that very moment and you will find freedom to be yourself without needing anything in order to be it.

 

 

 

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

 

 

They once said: “beauty hurts” – No my friend, beauty doesn’t hurt, what it hurts is not being able to look yourself in the mirror, and like what you are seeing simply because you don’t look like the girl in the magazine. Not being able to see your true beauty, makes you miserable, and it doesn’t matter how hard you try to look “beautiful” you will always feel miserable, and that hurts thousands of times more than walking with high heels, plastic surgery or waxing. Can you understand the real problem here? It is you! It is the way you see yourself, change the eyes with which you see yourself, fall in love with your true self and you will change your whole life… and you will save a lot of money too! 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you look yourself at the mirror and you like what you see, do you think you will care what others think? Absolutely no! that is called self-confidence and that is liking yourself! You don’t need anything to be beautiful, you already are, just remember that and be free to be your authentic, wonderful, and beautiful self!

Jealousy is a destructive emotion

Jealousy is a destructive emotion and it can only generate destructive outcomes. The truth is jealousy never bring anything good, as it consumes our mind and our reality becomes a nightmare.

 

"There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy." - Lope De Vega

 

Jealousy is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves and our whole life because it shows how much we lack. Jealousy is poison to our spirit and is extremely toxic, as it contaminates our soul and heart. There are many reasons why we are jealous, for my experience I believe that the main reasons are due to our lack of self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-love, and when this happens, we let fear to control our life, and we become insecure, doubtful, anxious, depressed and miserable, everything that jealousy needs to grow every day.

Jealousy has the power to control our thoughts, emotions, actions and our whole life. When jealousy seizes your mind, you lose the control of your own thoughts and emotions, and your perspective which gives your reality, becomes unreal. Jealousy is a disease that causes torment and pain for those who suffer it. Once we let jealousy to control our life, our whole reality becomes a nightmare, and not only for us but for those around us who are also the victims of our jealousy.

 

 

 

 

Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition. The immature mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy – in fact, they are almost incompatible; one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.” – Robert A. Heinlein

 

 

 

 

 

So jealousy is the way we have to defend ourselves against external threats, but in fact the worst threat lies within ourselves, and is called fear, and fear gives us wrong beliefs about life, people and ourselves, and so we live in a fictional reality that makes us to have the emotion that we were trying to avoid: unhappiness.

When you are jealous, you live in a world that is not real, because you don’t see the world with your eyes open, you see it with your eyes covered by your fears, and the reality you see in your mind is most of the time inaccurate, and so are your feelings and emotions.

The truth is jealousy puts us in the place of suffering we were trying to avoid, and we don’t get anything good out of it. Jealousy takes from us any opportunity to be in peace and happy with ourselves, and with everyone around us. No matter the situation, no matter how good your life can be, if you suffer from jealousy, your life will be your worst nightmare, because once jealousy poisons your mind and spirit you will live in a distorted reality, and you will see ghosts and demons where there are only angels, pushing away everything that is good for you.

 

 

 

 

“Never underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy to destroy. Never underestimate that.” – Oliver Stone

 

 

 

 

Jealousy is the cause why you are not living a truly happy and peaceful life, because it consumes your mind and your life. Every opportunity to achieve your goals, every chance to live the life of your dreams getting what you always wanted, vanishes in the darkness of your fears. If you want to be happy you will have to face your fears and challenge them.

If someone we love leaves us or does something that hurts us, or if we are betrayed or if we can’t get something we always wanted can be very painful but nothing can be more painful as being trapped in a nightmare world created by our mind, poisoned by our jealousy encouraged by our fears, insecurities, doubts and anxieties.

If you know who you really are, what you are capable of achieving, if you know how beautiful and amazing you are, you will never doubt from yourself again, and that my friends, is the first step to remove jealousy from your life. It is something you must work every day, you must learn to love yourself and believe in you, once you do that, you will find peace again and you will see life as it really is.

 

 

 

 

“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.” – Gary Allan

 

 

 

 

At least that was my experience because one day I decided that in order to be successful I needed to believe in myself, and I found out that my beliefs about me and life were wrong, I underestimate me, and let my past, situations and people to define me, which created insecurity, disgust, anxiety, resentment and fears, and I became dependent of others for being happy, and then I fed my jealousy so much that they took my life, and so I believed in myself, and I took back the control of my own life, and I defeated all fears.

 

 

Believe in yourself and be confident about your potential, it is important for you to see it, once you see it, you will not care if others do the same, you don’t have to show nothing to anyone, you are worth, and you know that, so don’t be jealous of no one!