Rethinking Love

We live in a world where people are divided by nationality, culture, language, gender, and beliefs. And yet, there is something that transcends all of that — something that connects us in a way nothing else can. We call it love. We speak different languages, but somehow we all understand it. We have all felt it in one way or another. We write songs about it, build stories around it, destroy ourselves for it, and search for it endlessly. But… what is love?

Strangely, it is one of the most used words in human language — and one of the least understood. I never questioned it deeply until one day a friend asked me, “What is love?” I opened my mouth to answer… and realized I wasn’t sure.

So I began thinking. Reading. Observing. Listening. And the more I searched, the more confused I became. Because everyone has a different definition. And every definition feels valid from the perspective of the person giving it.

Maybe that is the first truth about love: It reflects who we are. Over the years, love has been romanticized, dramatized, idolized, and distorted. Movies equate it with obsession. Songs equate it with pain. Society often equates it with possession. But is that love?

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.” – Wayne Dyer

Perhaps love is not possession. Perhaps love is not control. Perhaps love is not suffering in silence. Perhaps love is not losing yourself to keep someone else. Maybe what creates so much pain in the world is not love itself — but our confusion about it.

We say: Love means you complete me. Love means I need you. Love means you are mine. Love means I will change for you. Love means I will tolerate anything for you. But do those ideas create freedom… or fear?

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” – Thomas Merton

Love may not be something we can fully define, but we can recognize what it is not. Love is not control. Love is not manipulation. Love is not dependency. Love is not self-erasure. Love is not ego disguised as devotion. So what is love?

Maybe love is a daily practice rather than a dramatic emotion.

Maybe love is:

• Respect.
• Presence.
• Responsibility.
• Growth.
• Freedom.
• Choosing someone again and again — without forcing them to become someone else.

Maybe love is wanting the other person to flourish — even when it challenges you.

Maybe love is not about how someone makes you feel, but about who you become in their presence. And perhaps the most important thing: Love is not attachment. Attachment says, “I need you to survive.” Love says, “I choose you freely.” Attachment fears losing. Love trusts. Attachment controls. Love supports.

Love is not always easy. It requires maturity. Self-awareness. Boundaries. Courage. It requires knowing yourself so you do not disappear inside another person. Maybe love is not something we fall into. Maybe it is something we grow into.

And maybe, before loving another, we must understand how to love ourselves — not in a selfish way, but in a grounded way. Because when we do not love ourselves, we look for someone else to fill that emptiness, and that is where confusion begins.

Love should not destroy you. It should expand you. Love should not shrink your world. It should widen it. Love should not make you afraid. It should make you braver. Love builds. It does not imprison. Love heals. It does not humiliate. Love grows. It does not suffocate. Love is not perfect. But it is powerful.

And perhaps love is less about finding the right person — and more about becoming the kind of person capable of loving well.

So what is love? Maybe love is freedom. Maybe love is responsibility. Maybe love is presence. Maybe love is growth. Or maybe love is simply the decision to care — deeply and consciously.