We’ve all experienced those negative voices in our heads. The kind that suddenly intrudes, takes over our thoughts, and has the power to change our whole life experience in a second. These voices are the harshest critics—they criticize, condemn, and judge us so intensely that if we don’t learn to silence them, we might start believing them. This belief can become an obstacle to developing the greatness within us, preventing us from becoming the person we’re capable of being. Stay with me as we explore how to understand and deal with these negative voices.
When the negative voices start talking, the chaos begins. Like an earthquake, they can vary in intensity—from a minor tremor with little impact to a devastating quake that seriously affects our lives. These voices can appear out of nowhere, and when they do, they always seem to find a way to disturb our peace. They bring with them sorrow, sadness, anger, and frustration. The negative feelings they generate can last for seconds, minutes, hours, days, or even years.
The duration of these effects depends on one thing and one thing only: us. We can’t stop the voices from arising, but we can find ways to deal with them. The most important thing to understand is that every human on this planet goes through the same struggle. It’s not an issue of weakness—even the strongest among us face these challenges. The key is to become wise enough to distinguish between their dark, judgmental reality and the real truth, which is something you must discover within yourself. These voices don’t know who you truly are, but that’s something you can and must come to realize.
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” – Mahatma Gandhi
These voices tell us we’re worthless, incapable, and unlovable. They try to convince us that we do everything wrong and that we’re to blame for everything wrong in our lives. “No one loves you!” “You’re a failure!” “You’re useless!” “The world would be better off without you!” Sound familiar? These or similar negative voices have crossed the minds of every one of us at some point.
The truth is, these voices are telling us something beyond the words themselves. There’s a reason they occur, and the key is to find their roots—where they originate—and understand why. Once we know why, we can begin to reduce their frequency and, when they do arise, we’ll be ready to use them to our advantage. Usually, these voices are the product of our own fears, insecurities, frustrations, low self-esteem, past experiences, and misconceptions about life and who we really are, often influenced by false societal standards.
“All negativity is an illusion created by the limited mind to protect and defend itself.” – Ambika Wauters
How do I deal with them? As soon as they start talking, I try to stop them as quickly as possible. I don’t do this by avoiding them or pretending they’re not there, but by acknowledging them. I admit they’re present, listen to them, allow myself to feel whatever I’m feeling at that moment, and then I decide: Do I let them take control, or do I take control back? I choose to take control. I see these voices as something that exists, but I know they don’t define me. Sometimes, I’ll think quietly to myself or even shout, “STOP!” I then analyze the situation, understand why they’re saying what they’re saying, and make my own conclusions.
There are always two possibilities: either the voices are completely wrong, or there’s some truth to what they’re saying. If they’re wrong, and I can clearly see that, then I have the power to silence them and keep moving forward, expressing—either silently or out loud—the reasons why they’re wrong. By confronting them with my truth, I strip them of their power, and their voices slowly fade away. On the other hand, if there’s some truth to what they’re saying, it’s important to be honest with myself and find the positive side.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” – Willie Nelson
For example, if I’ve made a mistake and the voices are pointing out everything I did wrong, I try to stop them. I silence my mind, acknowledge that they’re right about the fact that I made a mistake, but I don’t dwell on it. Instead, I focus on finding a solution—on making things right rather than dwelling on what went wrong. Of course, it’s not always possible to undo what’s been done, but there’s always a positive side. By focusing on that, by learning, and by doing better, I give myself the chance to define who I am and who I want to become, rather than being stuck in the negativity those voices try to impose.
The key is not to let them define who you are. Yes, we make mistakes, have imperfections, and might have low self-esteem, fears, and doubts. Those voices will use all of that against us. But in the end, it’s you who defines yourself. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you look at it. Be the person who makes you happy. Discover your own truth, so when these voices arise, you’ll have the right tools to fight back!
