Tag Archives: love yourself

Don’t Take Anything Personally

Day after day we deliberately accept in our minds the venom of poisonous people with devastating consequences. Once in our minds, this venom annihilates our self-confidence and destroys our self-esteem and feelings of anger, hatred and resentment flood our minds. Cause: taking things too personally. Cure: living without the influence of other people’s opinions.  Are you taking things personally? Are you letting other people’s opinion and behaviors define your true self?

 

 

Don’t take anything personally, nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. Don Miguel Ruiz

 

 

 

We go through life as we had a target hanging from our necks. We feel as if we were inoffensive deer grazing peacefully in the woods surrounded by heartless hunters waiting for the perfect moment to pull the trigger. Suddenly, that moment comes, the world freezes, the watch stops, and bang! Perfect shot, straight into our heads, we lie motionless, presumed deceased. The world begins to move again, we breathe, we are alive, we survived, but the scars are bleeding, the pain increases, and suddenly the pain becomes anger and the anger commence to rule our lives. Resentment becomes our ally.

The problem is that our constantly need for acceptance and our desperate search for everyone’s approval has become a necessity in order to maintain an acceptable reputation to society, and this reputation, or our own reputation about our own selves is severely affected when we encounter ourselves being the target of someone’s attacks, that is the main reason why we take things so personally, because that person is preventing us from achieving our goal of being accepted by every single human in our society. It damages our ego, diminishes our self-confidence and put ourselves at the edge of collapse.

 

 

“What other people think of you is not your business. If you start to make that business your business, you will be offended for the rest of your life.” – Deepak Chopra

 

 

Therefore, taking things personally and unhappiness are connected. But, is there such thing as an everlasting happiness? Well, There are many keys and ideas of how can one be happy, but this question continues to be an existential doubt for most of us. However, through the years we have discovered important keys to unhappiness. One of them is taking things personally, when we do this, we expose ourselves, we put ourselves in a place of extreme vulnerability, putting our own happiness in someone else’s hands. When we take things personally, we condemn ourselves to a life of misery and resentment, we sabotage our own capabilities of achieving all our dreams and goals, and we deny ourselves the possibility of having a happy life.

When someone attacks you in any way in the end they never have something personal with you but rather they have something personal with themselves. The only time when you can take things personally is when you have attacked them or hurt them in any way first. For example, let’s imagine the case where you insult someone else’s mother, if the person gives you a punch in the face, you can take it personally, nevertheless, in the end, it always comes down to the fact that someone’s reaction and behavior against others is never something personal with them but with their own selves, no matter if they think they have an excuse for acting that way.

 

 

“There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.” — Miguel Ruiz.

 

 

Not taking things personally from the people that surrounds you is not something we can learn overnight, but is rather an every day commitment, but there is nothing more rewarding that gaining that level of freedom and become immune to other people’s opinions, immune to other people’s criticism, immune to other people’s judgements, immune to other people’s aggression. The real truth is that other people’s behaviors and attitudes toward you do not define nor categorize you, not damage your reputation, do not condemn you, but they rather do all of that onto them. Every actions and behaviors, every thoughts and opinions of others are only a reflection of their own souls, they do not indicate who you are, but they indicate who they are. Therefore, do not take things personally, and you will have found the key to your own personal development, you will broaden your limitations and you will declare, loudly and fearless to the world:  “I do not seek to belong, I do not seek to be accepted, nobody defines me nor limits me, I am immune to the poisonous souls that seek to destroy me, I am an utterly and completely free soul.”

 

 

 

 

Learn to not take things personally, release your soul from the need to get everyone’s approval and become immune to other people’s criticism, opinions and behaviors and you will have discovered one of the keys to success and your personal development. 

Our past doesn’t define who we are

Our past doesn’t define who we are, because we are not our past, but we are what we choose to be at this very moment. Somehow we have accepted the concept that our past define who we are, but the truth is that our past cannot define us, but we define ourselves through our behaviours and actions of our present.

 

"Do not give your past the power to define who you are." 

 

Our past doesn’t define us, because the past is gone. The only thing that is here is our present, and what we have chosen to be now is what really define us. In every sunrise, each new day, at any time, we have the opportunity to decide who we are going to be. If you let your past situations define you, if you let others define you, if your let your past behaviours, thoughts and actions define you, if you let external circumstances and things out of your control define you, you will become their slave, but if you decide to be the best version of yourself right here, right now, regardless your past and the person you used to be, then you will become free from any attachment with your old self, having the possibility to be your true self.

The problem is when we fail to be the person we really are by the thoughts and beliefs we have put in our minds about who we are, condemning ourselves to be the person who we are not, for the rest of our lives. There is no greater agony than the one you suffer when you start to believe that you are the person that deep inside your heart you know you are not, repressing and hiding your full potential.

 

 

 

“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.” – Steve Maraboli

 

 

 

But the worst issue of all is when people start to believe in the person you are not, because once they accept that person as your true self, they will categorize and define you, and the concept they create in their minds about you rarely changes, what makes everything more difficult for you. That is why the process to change yourself for a better you is not easy, because you must walk the path alone. You will have to face your own misconceptions about yourself, you will have to forgive yourself, forget others opinions about you, and then you will have to accept yourself as you really are and act upon it. The important thing is to believe in yourself, because you create your own destiny and not others, therefore, their opinions about you are absolutely useless.

We all have done and said things that we regret, but what is the point of regretting the person we used to be if that won’t change anything from our past? But what we can change is our present. The key is to embrace the person we used to be, because in a certain way that person shaped us, and released our true self. Our past has defined us, because in the way we acted, but now we define ourselves through our present actions and behaviours, the question is: Are we going to keep letting our past to define us by acting as in our past or are we going to redefine ourselves and act according to our true self?

 

 

 

 “Success in any endeavour depends on the degree to which it is an expression of your true self.” – Ralph Marston

 

 

 

We are not our past, we are not our past decisions, we are not our mistakes, we are not our past behaviours, but we are what we choose to be right now, and that is all that matters. The consequences of our past actions cannot be avoided, but we can avoid being the person we are not. We grow, we change, we evolve, and in that way we discover and create our true self, and that is success.

 

 

 

Nobody defines who we are, not even our past nor our old self, but we define ourselves. In this present moment we have the opportunity to decide and express our true self and release the greatness within us. Forgive yourself, accept your true self, love yourself, become the best version of yourself and change your life!

Self-Care vs. Selfishness

We usually confuse self-care with selfishness and the other way around, this is a common mistake we make in our daily life, and not being able to see the difference is what is causing a huge disaster in humanity.

 

 

“A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's.” – Richard Whately

 

 

It is hard for us to see the difference between them because they have the same meaning except for one simple detail, which makes a huge difference. Both self-care and selfishness mean the care of oneself, loving ourselves in the first place. The difference that changes everything is that selfishness is only concerned with one’s own benefits regardless of others, while self-care is concerned with one’s own benefits and the benefits of others, loving ourselves in the first place and meeting our own needs, so we can be ready to benefit others.

The selfish people are only worried in their own interests, because they only look to satisfy their own needs at the expense of others. They never think about others, they don’t care about other’s needs, because most of the time they are thinking only in themselves, so they forget to look after people around them. The selfish people don’t care if they hurt others in the process of getting what they need to meet their needs and desires. They think they are the center of the world, and they want everyone to agree with that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

 

 

 

 

 

On the other hand, self-care people are worried about their own interests and the interest of others, and they want to meet their own needs and desires but not at the expense of others. They want to become better persons every day, they love themselves, and they do things to benefit themselves, but that doesn’t mean that they forget about everyone around them. They do follow their dreams and desires, but without trampling over others in order to achieve what they want. Self care people want to meet their own needs, but they try to look for the best way to avoid hurting others in the process of meeting their needs.

So now you can see that there is a difference between self-care and selfishness, and where one helps to construct a better world, the other helps to construct a better world but only for themselves. Probably both will lead to happiness, but only those who are not selfish will find eternal happiness, and those people will definitely help to change other people’s lives, and making other people happy, what will make them even happier, because everything you shall give, you shall receive, multiplied.

 

 

 

 

 

“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” – Oscar Wilde

 

 

 

 

 

 

The world desperately needs less selfish people; there is so much despair and sadness because of this selfish humanity. This amazing world with all its beauty is dying thanks to the selfishness of human beings, because we are not only worried about meeting our own needs in order to survive, we are also too worried about meeting unnecessary needs at any cost, that we forgot about taking care of our planet, destroying everything that was given to us.

We are also too worried thinking only in ourselves that we forgot about people around us, we are too worried in getting a better position at our job that we don’t care if we have to destroy everyone around us to get it. We are too worried about getting more money, to buy more and more things for us even when we don’t need them that we forgot about the man whom is sitting in the street asking for a miserable coin to buy something to eat.

We are too worried about our own satisfaction that we don’t care if we cheat our partner, because you think your satisfaction is more important that being loyal to the person who loves you! We are too worried because we didn’t had the guts to follow our dreams, so we force others to do it for us, even when they don’t want to do that. We are too worried about meeting our own needs that we don’t care if we become rapists in order to satisfy that need, we are too worried in ourselves, that we don’t care if we steal, or if we have to kill others in order to meet our needs, goals and desires. And all of this happens because of our selfishness, because we only think in our own benefit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Selfish persons are incapable of loving others, but they are not capable of loving themselves either.” – Erich Fromm

 

 

 

 

So which one are you going to choose?  The key is to find a balance. We must love ourselves first, and follow our heart, and make our dreams a reality and do everything that makes us happy, because that is the only way we can help others and make others happy, but we should never do that in order to meet our own needs and desires at expense of the unhappiness of others. We should put ourselves in the first place as long as it benefits all of us.

Love Yourself

The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so the best decision you can make is to love yourself first. Once you decide to love yourself, everything around you will make more sense, and you will no longer suffer needlessly.

 

If you are seeking love, seek within yourself first.

 

 

We suffer needlessly because we seek for others to give us the love we can’t give to ourselves, and when we seek for others to love us, we become dependent on the love of others to be happy, so when someone doesn’t love us and treat us as we would like, we feel sad, and our whole world falls apart.

We go through life begging for love, settling for a mediocre love, accepting a love that is much less than the one we deserve, and we do that because we don’t love ourselves, and we don’t love ourselves because we haven’t realized what kind of person we really are, we are not aware of our potential, we are not aware that we are beautiful human beings, with the power to make our dreams become a reality, we don’t love ourselves because we have forgotten who we really are and why are we here, we don’t love ourselves because we have forgotten that we can change the world and every human being on it in a second with the love, passion, strength and kindness that everyone has within ourselves.

 

 

 

 

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.” – Mandy Hale

 

 

 

 

When we don’t love ourselves we become a victim of our daily circumstances, accepting a pathetic role where everything seems to be against us, when the truth is that we are against ourselves. The day we decided not to love ourselves, we decided to become a victim of the opinions and behaviors of others. It is not the world who is against you, it is you who is against yourself, and it’s you whom have decided to be a victim by letting the situations and people in your life to affect you, rather than loving yourself, and accepting those things that you deserve and letting go the rest.

When you really love yourself, you will no longer beg for love, and you will accept the love of others because you want it, not because you need it, and you will give love to everyone around you, without the need to have it back, what will make you less vulnerable to the actions of others. Once you have made the decision to love yourself as you really are, you will realize what kind of person you truly are, you will see how beautiful you are and what you can give to others, and you will no longer be devastated for the opinions and behaviors of others.

 

 

 

 

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” – Steve Maraboli

 

 

 

 

Once you realize how amazing you really are, you will accept yourself with your perfections and imperfections, and you will start to love yourself, and once you do that, you will start to finally respect yourself, and you will decide to go after those things that makes you feel happy, and every decision you will ever make will be based in those things that push you forward, leaving behind those things that push you backwards.

We can’t make peace with our life if we don’t make peace with ourselves first, and we can only do that loving ourselves. The day you decide to love yourself, you will find peace, not because everything around you has changed, but because you have changed, and then you will not be a victim anymore, but a creator of your own destiny, going after people, situations and experiences that will make you be the best version of yourself you can be, and you will never accept something you don’t deserve again.

Decide to love yourself and make peace with you and with everyone around you, because the world and the humans suffering on it can only be healed by those people who truly love themselves, because those who truly love themselves, also love life, and when you love life and every being on it, you want to give them the best, so they can love themselves as well.

Your behavior is a reflection of what you have in your heart, if there is love, then you will love others, and you will receive it back multiplied.