We have all experienced negative voices in our heads. The kind of voices that abruptly appear in our minds, take over our thoughts and have the power to change our whole life experience in a second. These voices are the vilest critics, they will criticize, condemn, and judge us to the point that if we do not learn to silence them, we might end up believing them and this will become an obstacle to developing the greatness within us and will stop us from becoming the kind of person we are capable of becoming. Stay with me so we can see together how to understand and deal with our negative voices.
Once the negative voices start talking the chaos begins, like an earthquake, they can have different intensities, from a simple tremor with minor consequences to a devastating tremor that can have a serious impact on our life. At any given moment and for no apparent reason they might simply show up, the voices are so deep and strong that somehow, they always find the way to disturb our peace. It brings sorrow, sadness, anger, and frustration. Those negative feelings product of those negative voices can last for seconds, minutes, hours, days and even years.
The duration of the effect caused in us by these negative voices and thoughts depend on one thing and one thing only: Us. We cannot stop them from arising, but we can find a way to deal with them. The most important thing to understand is that every human on this planet goes through the same struggle of dealing with these negative voices. It is not an issue of the weakest but even the strongest ones suffer the same, the key is to become as wise as possible as to know the difference between their reality which is always obscure, negative and judgmental and the real truth which is the one you should discover, the truth that dwells within you, the truth of who you really are, and that is not something these voices know, but is something you must come to realize.
“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” – Mahatma Gandhi
These kind of voices are the ones telling us that we are worthless, that we are not capable of anything, that no one likes us, that people think we are stupid or that we are this and that, they try to convince us that we do everything wrong and that we are guilty of everything that is wrong in our lives. “No one loves you!” “No one likes you!” “You are a failure!” “You are useless!” “You are ugly!” “The world would be better without you!” “See how stupid you look now!” “I told you, this happened because you are pathetic” “You did a mistake like you always do!” “You are not smart enough and never will!” I could continue with all the different negative voices that have crossed my mind at least once. Do they look familiar to you? These or other kinds of negative voices have always crossed the mind of every single one of us in one way or another.
The truth is that they are always telling us something beyond the words, there is a reason why they happen, and the key is to find the roots, where they originate, and then we will understand why, and once we know the why, we are going to be able to decrease the number of times they happen and when they do we will be ready to know how to use them in our favor. Normally they tend to be the product of our own fears, insecurities, frustrations, low self-esteem, past experiences and a wrong idea of life and who we really are due to the false concepts established in our society.
“All negativity is an illusion created by the limited mind to protect and defend itself.” – Ambika Wauters
How do I deal with them? As soon as they start talking, I try, quickly as possible to stop them, I do that not by avoiding them and pretending that they are not there, but I acknowledge them, I admit they are there, I listen to them, I allow myself to feel whatever I feel at that precise moment and then I decide. Do I let them take control, losing the ability to choose what to feel or do I show them who has the control here? I take the control back. I see them as something they exist but I know they do not define me. Normally I either think quietly and tell them to stop, sometimes I even scream, STOP! I analyze the situation and understand why they are telling me what they are telling me and then I make my own conclusions.
There are always two possibilities, either they are right or have some kind of truth or they are completely wrong. If they are wrong, and you can clearly see that, then you have already all the power to silence those voices and keep moving forward without letting them interfere with your life, and you do this but expressing them silently or out loud the reasons why they are wrong, telling your own truth about what you believe, by confronting them with your truth, you take the power away from them and their voices will slowly fade away. On the other hand, if they are right or let’s say, there is some sort of truth on what they say, then it is important to find the positive side of everything. It is important, to be honest with your self and it is important to find the real truth.
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.” – Willie Nelson
For example, if I made a mistake and these voices are telling me everything I did wrong and how terrible should I feel because of them, then I try to stop those voices. I silence the mind, I see what I have done, I understand that they are right about the fact that I did something I shouldn’t have done but I don’t keep listening to them, but rather I find the solution by focusing on how to make things right instead of focusing on what went wrong. Of course, It is not always possible to revert what you have done, but there is always a positive side of everything and by focusing on that, by learning, by doing things better, you give yourself the possibility to decide who you are and who do you want to become rather than staying stuck in who you are not by listening to those voices that condemn, judge and criticize you.
The key is to not let them define who you are. Yes, we make mistakes, we have imperfections, we might have a lot to learn, we can have low self-esteem, we can have thousand of fears and doubts, and those voices will use all of that against us, but in the end, it is you who you really define yourself. If you do not like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you look at it. Be the person that makes you happy, discover your own truth about yourself, so when these voices arise, you will have the right tools to fight back!